I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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