My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
