I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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