It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
