His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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