Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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