I wish I could teleport
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
