Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Michael Bay diarrhea
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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