Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
