His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
