those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
