Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
