Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
