Can i not drive my cunt home
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
