I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
