This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
