And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am available for nakedness
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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