there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
