I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
