I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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