yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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