Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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