girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
