I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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