my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize