i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
