it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize