do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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