At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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