the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize