I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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