I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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