At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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