pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
