My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
