I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
