Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
