somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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