I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
