You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My balls are so social today.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
