Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
