Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
