I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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