you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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