Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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