please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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