Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
