my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
