some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think people are normalizing furries
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize