i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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