apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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