he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
