I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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