my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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