I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
