You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
