Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize