i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
