I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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