And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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