I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
