No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
