We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
