Your face is a jimmy john
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
