why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
