im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
