Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
