Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
