I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
