the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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