So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
