I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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