At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
