Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
