she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
