it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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