K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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